Dear beloved readers,
In case you haven’t noticed (and Crow Week didn’t bring it to your attention to it), there is massive amounts of crow $#!+ everywhere. So here are some facts about bird poop to remember while you’re out slipping and falling on this nasty stuff.
Birds poop about every 5 to ten minutes. That’s a lot of bird poop around campus.
Did you know some people get bird poop facials? Yep, some people pay hundreds of dollars to get a gloopy mix of nightingale poop smeared across their face. This could easily be accomplished for free by standing under any tree in the hollow at dusk, but of course we don’t recommend this if your aim is to stay healthy this year.
Many cultures believe being pooped on by a bird is lucky. So next time it happens to you, thank your lucky stars that a bird decided to poop on you.
Crow poop can eat away your car paint. The acid in the poop breaks down the surface coating and leaves a nasty mark on your car, and also on your pride.
Since we haven’t had any snow days, we propose having crow $#!+ days. We recommend you have a rain umbrella and a crow umbrella, so you can burn your crow one at the end of the season to avoid disease and death.
Crows are very intellectually developed and have their own advanced language. So if you hear a crow go “Caaa cawww!” its probably about to drop one and you should head for the hills.
Keep it safe, Witt.
Maggi and Allie
P.S. Questions? Comments? Crow stories? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.