Fast Food Gems for the Drunken Soul

When you’re stumbling down Alumni Way at two a.m. on your way home from a party, you’re normally only thinking of one thing (unless you’re with someone) — what fast food joint you’re going to get your sober friend to take you to. You’ve got a wide variety of options: Taco Bell, McDonald’s, Steak ‘n Shake and, for the more adventurous (and for the incredibly convincing drunk), Waffle House.

After a night of drinking, you want to get something in your stomach to help aid your physical and mental feeling when you wake up the next morning. Although eating won’t necessarily help you with a potential hangover, it will make you feel happy that you managed to convince your sober friend to drive your drunk self around — especially when you aren’t afraid to yell out the window at your other drunk classmates as they stumble home with their friends.

Once you’ve got your sober driver in tow, the number one spot to go for food late at night is Taco Bell. Obviously. For the more daring, grab yourself a taco, a quesadilla or a beefy Frito burrito, but for the more reserved (and potentially nauseous), order some nachos (three orders of nachos is only $4.77 and an order of nacho fries is $1.79) to avoid spending the rest of your night over the toilet. The Taco Bell on North Bechtle is open until three a.m. on the weekends, but the one on Main Street is open until four, even on most weeknights.

If you can get to McDonald’s before it closes, grab yourself a hamburger and fries. Bread and potatoes can help slow the absorption of alcohol while also remaining a relatively unflavored meal, so it should keep the more nauseous at bay. Mc- Donald’s and Taco Bell boast cheap dollar menus, so you won’t be Venmo- ing your friends too much when you wake up the next morning.

For those who aren’t afraid to sober up, Steak ‘n Shake, especially the one on North Bechtle, provides for one exciting night. Take for example one student’s story (he wasn’t even drunk, mind you) where the waitress walked over with their tray of drinks, managed to spill them all over the floor and then set the empty tray on top of the table before walking away. She even fell asleep at the counter in the middle of their shift (they ended up spending two hours waiting for and receiving their food). Don’t expect a quick stop when you go to Steak ‘n Shake because you might end up with a server like this student’s last year.

And god bless you if you can manage to convince your sober friend to drive you all the way to Waffle House in Fairborn. The food at Waffle House may not be good, but it’s bland enough to sit kindly in your stomach after a night of drinking.

For the brave-hearted sober driver, thank you from the bottom of our drunk hearts for willingly driving us to get food at three a.m. You are appreciated and respected more than you will ever know.

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