How to Streak the Hollow

Wittenberg University is a special place. It’s probably one of the few places in which public nudity isn’t frowned upon. Normally, one would get arrested and charged with disorderly conduct or public indecency for running completely naked through the middle of a college campus, even if the university land is technically private property.

But, apparently, Witt functions outside those laws.

Streaking The Hollow is one of the most necessary traditions on campus. Of course, stepping on the seal when you graduate or peeing on Wally Witt have their importance as well, but you can’t attend Witt and not streak The Hollow at least once during your four years.

With that, I felt it necessary to address those of you that have never done the naked run and educate you on the how to’s of the tradition.

First, one should know the logistics of streaking. You start at the top of The Hollow, across from Synod, and run your naked little butt all the way down through the middle of the Hollow. Your goal? To stick your cheeks on the doors of Recitation Hall without getting caught.

In order to achieve that goal, you first need to be sufficiently intoxicated. I think we can all figure out how exactly to get to such a level of wasted but, unless you’re an insane person or have incredible confidence, no one can run through the middle of campus totally sober.

You also need to make sure that your streaking takes place during the night, preferably during the wee hours of the morning. Streaking during the day, and especially during the week when class is in session, would be extremely awkward. Just think about it: the last thing you want is for your political science professor to see your naked derriere running towards Recitation Hall just to see that same butt sitting in class a couple hours later.

More often than not, streaking isn’t something you plan to do. It’s a spur of the moment activity and with that kind of spontaneous activity comes a very interesting group dynamic. There’s nothing worse than going to streak, your body out there for the world to see, and you end up streaking with people you don’t know or trust enough to be nude in front of.

With that, it’s important to keep your friends close when streaking.

If you’re feeling particularly risky and drunk, you can streak what’s known as the Trifecta. The Trifecta includes The Hollow, the football field and Hollenbeck Hall. If you can manage to streak all three locations and still haven’t lost an article of clothing along the way, you’re basically a legend.

I hope you take my educating to heart and decide to partake in a Wittenberg tradition that adds to the campus’ unique community. Your college experience is and should be more than sitting through classes and writing papers. It should be a compilation of late nights spent with friends, Wittfest darties, senior capstones and, of course, streaking.

 

 

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*